How to Make Anger Work

All parents get angry with their children at one time or another.  The key is to not allow this anger to escalate, and to use this as an opportunity to better understand and communicate with your child.

We are all aware that words spoken in anger are not only hurtful, but may have a lasting effect on your relationship and the entire situation.  On the flip side, to say nothing and remain silent is equally wrong.  Children of all ages and especially teens are looking for your guidance and direction even though they may act and say something different.

Experts recommend that parents follow these constructive guidelines: (Provided in, “Sometimes God has a Kid’s Face”)

  • When you get mad, don’t blame or accuse.  Say how you feel-annoyed, irritated, upset, etc.-and why.  Be specific.  Talk facts.  Blaming only forces a teen to argue his point, arouses tempers, and kills dialogue.
  • Think solution, not victory.  Don’t try to win arguments.
  • Stick to the present incident.  Fighting old battles will only aggravate a situation.
  • Be careful not to attack your teen’s person or character.  Say, “I’m furious that you didn’t clean up after the mess you made”-not, “You’re a lazy slop!”  Your son or daughter may give up trying to improve.
  • If the situation is touchy, put your ideas in a letter.  You can say exactly what you mean- and your teen will have time to think it over before answering.
  • Do not call out your teen in front of his peers.  Wait until you can talk to him privately.
  • Work as a unit, forbidding the teen to put one parent against the other.

Parents need to be reminded that it takes practice, patience, and a plan of action to achieve results that work! -Champion Parenting, Inc.

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About authoraliceiorio

A nationally known educator, with over 20 years of teaching experience (preschool- college) is President and founder of Champion Parenting, Inc., a nonprofit.
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